Showing posts with label Grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grief. Show all posts

Monday, April 7, 2025

I Promised Myself

 

On October 24, 2024, a month away from the first death anniversary of my oldest brother I took out my journal and penned these words. I promised myself today I wouldn't cry. But I lied. I promised myself today that I would remember you as you lived not as you died. But I didn't. I promised myself today that I would think happy thoughts and laugh when thinking of you. But I couldn't. I promised myself that when I got in the car I wouldn't think about all the times you were seated next to me and we laughed about a story our younger brother told us from the back seat. But I didn't. I promised myself that today I would accept your pure desire to vacate your body temple to live in an immortal one. But I can't. From the place where you now dwell you know all things. You knew leaving the physical realm would give you peace and leave me with grief. You knew that I would shed endless tears but you knew that my inner capacity for resilience would one day, in time, suddenly surface and I would see you as you now see yourself. Happy, whole, complete, worry-free, healed, and totally void of the cares of this world. 

Soar high, big brother. I know you hate seeing the tears, but you wouldn't trade your current existence for one second in the physical realm. My love for you is endless and without borders. I miss you every second of every day. So today, I promise myself to wait for the sudden moment when thoughts of you will "bring a smile to my face before bringing a tear to my eye." I love you brother I did the best I could. I would do it again for you if I could. Rest well big brother. I love you forever and always.

Friday, April 1, 2016

NEVER ALONE



Each of us have heard someone proclaim "I'm alone, but not lonely." Being able to separate the two is typically a good sign that an individual has a sense of appreciation for their alone time. In other instances an individual has no desire to be alone, they crave and desire consistent interactions with others or a specific person. It is in this seemingly unfilled desire that loneliness and often depression creeps in. Sometimes feelings of loneliness and depression become all consuming literally sucking the life out of a person. There are numerous reasons that serve as an impetus for alienation. Issues related to health, an inability to lose weight despite valiant efforts, loss of income, betrayal, divorce and abandonment are perfect catalysts to feel that God is not concerned about you or your needs, wants, and desires.When life hits below the belt there is an instinctive need to grab the belly and double over in pain while falling to the floor.

Two days ago I was listening to a question and answer podcast and the person asking the question had so much despair and wanted to literally cave in and quit. The despair was so palpable and real. I could relate so much to the caller because I too was in the same situation and have yet to find a permanent solution to this problem. After the person expressed their problem the host blurted out Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Tears just streamed down my face as I felt the love, care, and warmth of God spewing forth from those verses of scripture. I was shocked by the response of the host and yet it was exactly what I needed to hear. I don't know about you, but sometimes I live in my head and the voices of my problems speak louder than the voice of God. I am in the process of going back to the beginning and tuning my ear to the One who gave me life. 

For the past twenty-two years I've felt as if my foot has been constantly on the accelerator and I need to just pump the brakes. I need to literally measure my thoughts against the validity of God's word and discontinue living inside my head. At this moment I know God is with me, He will rescue and protect me, He expresses joy and gladness over me, His love is available to quiet my racing mind, and He loves me so much He sings over me.

Friends you are Never Alone. The Creator of the Universe holds you in high esteem and is there with you every moment of your life. "The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."






Saturday, June 28, 2014

JUST DROP IT

Drop the junk that keeps you weighted down and cemented in setbacks. As the saying goes: You cannot put anything new in hands that are full. Let it go.

Featured Post

MAGA Has a Distorted View of Christianity

Joy Reid formally anchored a popular show on MSNBC called The Reid Out. Since being asked to leave the network Joy is speaking more openly a...