Where Have You Been?

 

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

Oh, wow my last blogpost was in April 2016. It was a video that I did in the conference room of my old office space. It was a day without makeup, but a lot of thoughts. I was consumed with how great people functioned in the midst of being very afraid and was inspired to do a video. My life has changed so drastically since 2016. Little did I know April 2016 was the last month of my life being settled and mundane. My greatest worries were college tuition for my son and ensuring my company had funds monthly to remain self-sustaining. May 2016 ushered in a tsunami of challenges that still seem to overtake me. I have been walking with wobbly water legs since. Some days I just feel I cannot go on. There are no real respites. I just stop and decide to be grateful, smile, laugh, and encourage others at sporadic intervals throughout a given day. I always make a point of telling others that as I encourage you, I encourage myself.

The people that receive services through the non-profit I have been blessed to steward are my sheroes, heroes and props. They make me laugh and their desire to change their lives gives me strength to catch my breath to be there for them. We truly are helping each other. In the swirl of politics, a pandemic, and mounting societal issues everyone has been living with water legs. So, I was well equipped for the challenges placed upon the world in 2020. Thankfully, today I feel more hopeful than I have been in the past four years. There is no specific event and there is no financial windfall it is just an inner knowing from Holy Spirit that “the storm is passing over.”

The subject Where Have You Been? connotes a sense of missing in action or lost. However, it is in the sense of being lost that I have come to realize that I was actually collecting unfinished fragments of myself that allowed me to truly relate to people that live with insurmountable challenges. I accepted the assignment to help people experience a life of accepting the person God created them to be. Not realizing that to be fully engaged in the assignment required what felt like a total collapse of my life as I knew it. I said to a few people I do not even recognize my life. Where did it go? What happened to it?

Today I know that nothing happened to me or my life. I needed to grow and things that seemed like challenges were designed to strengthen my spirit to be of greater service. Nothing has been withheld or held back. I believe that God is a master mixologist with capacity to take hard chunky pieces and make them like silk. The blending process is loud, resistant, and sometimes parts of us gets stuck on the walls of life in the process. Then God comes and moves the stuck pieces back into the blended parts. The outcome is delicious, tasteful, and aesthetically appealing. Additionally, the completed blend does not display evidence or proof that at one time the ingredients were detached and foreign to each other.

Therefore, the question is not Where Have You Been? but Where Are You Going?

NEVER ALONE

Each of us have heard someone proclaim "I'm alone, but not lonely." Being able to separate the two is typically a good sign that an individual has a sense of appreciation for their alone time. In other instances an individual has no desire to be alone, they crave and desire consistent interactions with others or a specific person. It is in this seemingly unfilled desire that loneliness and often depression creeps in. Sometimes feelings of loneliness and depression become all consuming literally sucking the life out of a person. There are numerous reasons that serve as an impetus for alienation. Issues related to health, an inability to lose weight despite valiant efforts, loss of income, betrayal, divorce and abandonment are perfect catalysts to feel that God is not concerned about you or your needs, wants, and desires.When life hits below the belt there is an instinctive need to grab the belly and double over in pain while falling to the floor.

Two days ago I was listening to a question and answer podcast and the person asking the question had so much despair and wanted to literally cave in and quit. The despair was so palpable and real. I could relate so much to the caller because I too was in the same situation and have yet to find a permanent solution to this problem. After the person expressed their problem the host blurted out Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Tears just streamed down my face as I felt the love, care, and warmth of God spewing forth from those verses of scripture. I was shocked by the response of the host and yet it was exactly what I needed to hear. I don't know about you, but sometimes I live in my head and the voices of my problems speak louder than the voice of God. I am in the process of going back to the beginning and tuning my ear to the One who gave me life. 

For the past twenty-two years I've felt as if my foot has been constantly on the accelerator and I need to just pump the brakes. I need to literally measure my thoughts against the validity of God's word and discontinue living inside my head. At this moment I know God is with me, He will rescue and protect me, He expresses joy and gladness over me, His love is available to quiet my racing mind, and He loves me so much He sings over me.

Friends you are Never Alone. The Creator of the Universe holds you in high esteem and is there with you every moment of your life. "The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE

 

It is so easy to get lost inside of our minds and believe things about ourselves that are untrue. Sometimes we have to step back and consult with the ultimate authority regarding our importance and significance to the Creator of the Universe. 

Psalm 139:1-18

O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape from your Spirit. I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night-but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand. And when I wake up, you are still with me.

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GREEN LIGHTS

On December 31, 2014 I discovered our home network was having problems so as is the routine when your modem and router essentially stop communicating with each other the following steps ensued: unplug devices from their power source and allow them to drain for a few seconds; press the restart button; look for green blinking lights. I worked on both devices until almost 8:00pm and decided to not be pulled into the new year with a problem. Around 1:30am I thought about something I had not tried and my husband quickly went to our home office and tried unplugging the telephone line from each device all to no avail.

On January 1, 2015, I awoke at 8:00am determined to resolve this matter. With a large cup of coffee in hand and a pack of chewing gum I was ready to get to the bottom of the problem. The clock ticked through the day and finally at 5:30pm I contacted the manufacturer of the router. The conversation was circular in nature with the bottom line being if you would pay $29.95 we will give you the technical support needed to possibly remedy your problem. "Your router has to be reconfigured and that might help." I responded to the technician "it might not help and I'll be out of $29.95. I'll contact the warranty plan and just get a new one that way I can speak with you free for 90 days." He thought that was a good idea as my home probably needed an upgrade to our router because of multiple wireless devices and live streaming." So during the interim I pulled out a router previously used at my office and our wireless internet connection resumed. 

On January 3, 2015, after identifying that we had a working modem and faulty router. I contacted the warranty company for the router and was rapidly refunded the full price of the router. The customer service representative stated "do not send us the old router, we don't care what you do with it. Take the refund check and buy you a new router. I know how difficult it is to not have use of your wireless devices. You should have the check in 7 to 10 business days." I was so grateful to God for a smooth transaction. 

I continued to look at YouTube videos on how to reconfigure the particular band of router that was inoperative. I was able to get it configured and then a message came: you are not connected to the internet. So the router was emitting a signal, but the internet [i.e. modem] was not connecting with the signal. I decided to contact the ISP [Internet Service Provider]. We discussed all that is previously stated and knowing the inevitable was coming: "did you try to plug the ethernet cord directly into your PC?" My response was yes and I also used another router and I have wireless internet capabilities. "Well therefore, you do not have a problem with your modem or internet service. My response "yes I know, but, most internet providers are no longer using this modem, because it stops communicating with routers and emits a much slower signal. Why are you all still using this modem? You need to offer something better that will keep up with high level routers." I proceeded: I just spoke with another internet provider before speaking with you and they do not use this modem because of a proclivity for compatibility issues. He said "oh we have another modem and we can send it to you at no charge. In fact you will not need a router. The router and modem are built in one. So you can get rid of your router. Stay on the line I can process your order right now." 

So here it is all along the gatekeeper [ISP] had the key and I was going through another source [the router] that sometimes worked and sometimes did not work only to return to main source [ISP]. This labyrinth is so reflective of our relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Our sources [jobs, health, family, friends...] for all intents and purposes are working well [all the green lights are blinking]. There are a few hiccups that cause us to unplug, reboot and restart. However, when life causes static through an array of circumstances we sometimes will just malfunction. No amount of rebooting, unplugging, or reconfiguring will remedy the situation. This is where we have to return to God and get something "new". We know there is nothing new under the sun, but we see things from a renewed perspective. In 2015, let's put the complicated or big stuff before God our ultimate gatekeeper and allow Him to send people and situations to push us on the path where the lights are green all day long.