Where Have You Been?

 

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

Oh, wow my last blogpost was in April 2016. It was a video that I did in the conference room of my old office space. It was a day without makeup, but a lot of thoughts. I was consumed with how great people functioned in the midst of being very afraid and was inspired to do a video. My life has changed so drastically since 2016. Little did I know April 2016 was the last month of my life being settled and mundane. My greatest worries were college tuition for my son and ensuring my company had funds monthly to remain self-sustaining. May 2016 ushered in a tsunami of challenges that still seem to overtake me. I have been walking with wobbly water legs since. Some days I just feel I cannot go on. There are no real respites. I just stop and decide to be grateful, smile, laugh, and encourage others at sporadic intervals throughout a given day. I always make a point of telling others that as I encourage you, I encourage myself.

The people that receive services through the non-profit I have been blessed to steward are my sheroes, heroes and props. They make me laugh and their desire to change their lives gives me strength to catch my breath to be there for them. We truly are helping each other. In the swirl of politics, a pandemic, and mounting societal issues everyone has been living with water legs. So, I was well equipped for the challenges placed upon the world in 2020. Thankfully, today I feel more hopeful than I have been in the past four years. There is no specific event and there is no financial windfall it is just an inner knowing from Holy Spirit that “the storm is passing over.”

The subject Where Have You Been? connotes a sense of missing in action or lost. However, it is in the sense of being lost that I have come to realize that I was actually collecting unfinished fragments of myself that allowed me to truly relate to people that live with insurmountable challenges. I accepted the assignment to help people experience a life of accepting the person God created them to be. Not realizing that to be fully engaged in the assignment required what felt like a total collapse of my life as I knew it. I said to a few people I do not even recognize my life. Where did it go? What happened to it?

Today I know that nothing happened to me or my life. I needed to grow and things that seemed like challenges were designed to strengthen my spirit to be of greater service. Nothing has been withheld or held back. I believe that God is a master mixologist with capacity to take hard chunky pieces and make them like silk. The blending process is loud, resistant, and sometimes parts of us gets stuck on the walls of life in the process. Then God comes and moves the stuck pieces back into the blended parts. The outcome is delicious, tasteful, and aesthetically appealing. Additionally, the completed blend does not display evidence or proof that at one time the ingredients were detached and foreign to each other.

Therefore, the question is not Where Have You Been? but Where Are You Going?

NEVER ALONE

Each of us have heard someone proclaim "I'm alone, but not lonely." Being able to separate the two is typically a good sign that an individual has a sense of appreciation for their alone time. In other instances an individual has no desire to be alone, they crave and desire consistent interactions with others or a specific person. It is in this seemingly unfilled desire that loneliness and often depression creeps in. Sometimes feelings of loneliness and depression become all consuming literally sucking the life out of a person. There are numerous reasons that serve as an impetus for alienation. Issues related to health, an inability to lose weight despite valiant efforts, loss of income, betrayal, divorce and abandonment are perfect catalysts to feel that God is not concerned about you or your needs, wants, and desires.When life hits below the belt there is an instinctive need to grab the belly and double over in pain while falling to the floor.

Two days ago I was listening to a question and answer podcast and the person asking the question had so much despair and wanted to literally cave in and quit. The despair was so palpable and real. I could relate so much to the caller because I too was in the same situation and have yet to find a permanent solution to this problem. After the person expressed their problem the host blurted out Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Tears just streamed down my face as I felt the love, care, and warmth of God spewing forth from those verses of scripture. I was shocked by the response of the host and yet it was exactly what I needed to hear. I don't know about you, but sometimes I live in my head and the voices of my problems speak louder than the voice of God. I am in the process of going back to the beginning and tuning my ear to the One who gave me life. 

For the past twenty-two years I've felt as if my foot has been constantly on the accelerator and I need to just pump the brakes. I need to literally measure my thoughts against the validity of God's word and discontinue living inside my head. At this moment I know God is with me, He will rescue and protect me, He expresses joy and gladness over me, His love is available to quiet my racing mind, and He loves me so much He sings over me.

Friends you are Never Alone. The Creator of the Universe holds you in high esteem and is there with you every moment of your life. "The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."