AM I LIVING IN A SIMULATION?

I used to live on a planet called Earth in a country called the United States of America, but I don’t recognize anything. The surroundings are unfamiliar, and breathing requires an oxygen tank because the air is deadly and toxic. While stumbling around with my oxygen mask on I’m reminded of a concept called democracy. My mind starts reeling and thoughts come pouring through such as what happened to the Constitution, civil rights, the Supreme Court, Congress, the House of Representatives, separation of church and state, privacy, human rights, friendly alliances, and allegiances? These days life feels like an amalgamation of the popular show Stranger Things and The Matrix. In other words, it feels like a simulation. Am I living inside a video game, a weird movie, or a streaming series? 

The action of the current leader feels like a poorly designed video game. I’m no gamer but I raised one. Excellent video games are described as those that are beatable with a degree of difficulty. However, the unstable situation within the United States makes it impossible to land in the winner’s circle because the rules of engagement change several times a day. There are constant challenges in how to obtain information. Should I get news from legacy, social, podcasters, or independent media? The news cycle seems to be intentionally spiraling to keep everyone unbalanced. Add this instability to the everyday challenges of life and the feelings of an out-of-body experience are guaranteed. I must develop a strategy to stay tuned in and grounded without being overwhelmed. So how can these challenges be approached? The things that are being done are so bombastic and erratic. Daily I’ve been saying to God how far are you going to let this go on. So many vulnerable people are being hurt. Young children, people living with disabilities, and the elderly are going to suffer and some will die because of the decisions of two people. Millions of citizens elected this person to lead them and their families. Additionally, they elected representatives from their respective states to ensure the Constitution is upheld and their rights are not violated. However, each of these Republican representatives has vehemently abdicated their sworn oaths and is silenced with fear. They have ignored their constituents, and many refused to attend town halls and hear from people who voted for them. It’s only been seven weeks and America has been hit with a massive wrecking ball. I live in a poor red state that depends on numerous government subsidies to survive. Yet the Republican representatives elected to be a voice for their constituents are going along with this cruelty and mind-numbing behavior. 

Everything is truly upside down and millions of Americans have taken the blue pill instead of the red one and are living in an illusion downloaded to them by the Republican party. Unfortunately, they are living in The Matrix.

Humility Test

Writing serves as a cathartic outlet for me. Throughout my life, I have engaged in journaling, affirmation writing, and declarative note-taking. As a believer in Habakkuk 2:2-3, which states "This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed". I attribute my ability to discern the outcome from the outset to this practice

Today, I encountered a particularly challenging interaction with an individual employed by the city government. His behavior was characterized by rudeness and an air of superiority. While in his office, I envisioned how he would interact with individuals who could not formulate a well-thought-out action plan.

Despite the early hour, his apparent disgust and anger towards my submission of the appropriate paperwork, and my respectful demeanor seemingly overwhelmed him. The city official displayed an inflated sense of self-importance and rubbed his eyes as if he were totally exasperated. He believed he possessed immense power and sought to impose his aura upon me. However, he was unaware that I had envisioned a solution, developed a plan, and received earnest prayers from two individuals regarding this matter. Consequently, his negative energy had no bearing on the outcome.

Scripture promises that God can even transform our adversaries into sources of peace. Despite the humiliating and defacing nature of the interaction, I refused to align myself with his negativity. I maintained my firmness, truthfulness, and respect. This was particularly difficult for me, as I harbor a deep aversion to individuals who belittle others.

Occasionally, we may find ourselves in situations where we feel devalued and insignificant. In such instances, it becomes crucial to be mindful of our demeanor when interacting with others and practice true humility regardless of the situation.

No More Ponies

Growing up in the 1960s and 1970s, reading paperback fiction books was one of my absolute favorite things to do. My home was filled with books, periodicals, and several types of music. My mother would go to a popular New Orleans department store and buy specific books for each of us. My older sister and I would get so excited when she came home from work with those paperback books. Oftentimes after my sister finished reading her books, I would read them. She is almost four years my senior, so her books had a more mature subject matter. This one specific book has stuck with me. Well, not the book because I do not remember all the details, but there is a line in the book that has stuck with me. The book is entitled *There Must Be a Pony* by Jim Kirkwood. The main character, Josh, has a dream, and if my memory serves me correctly, he was in a barn, and there were just mounds and mounds of horse manure. As he was shoveling through the manure, he exclaimed that underneath all this shit, there must be a pony.

Isn’t that just like life? There is one situation after the other, and we’re convinced there must be a purpose to the repetitive frustrations we experience. We are only in the third month of this year, and the challenges have been overwhelming. I felt so discouraged last night that I uttered the words Jesus said prior to his crucifixion: “Let this cup pass from me.” While writing this blog, I’m in a hospital family waiting room with a loved one as the patient. I just feel like I’m being dragged by life from one problem to the next. This cycle used to be intermittent; however, since 2020, I’m perpetually shoveling endless piles of manure. I just want to experience a few boring days. You know, those days where nothing in particular has to be done and nothing in particular is going on. I’m mentally exhausted from shoveling piles of manure as an activity. I want this cycle to end. I refuse to accept this as my life path. There has got to be more. I want to wake up without problems pounding on my chest and just embrace the beauty of the day. I want to enjoy every moment of every day to the fullest. I’m ready to put the shovel down and stop shoveling through problems and issues. So, unlike Josh, I’m going to stop looking for a pony and instead experience life through a prism that allows me to reframe problems as situations that require enhanced life management skills.

 

Is There Value In Emptiness?

Is there value in emptiness. That sinking feeling that kind of starts in the stomach and moves up through the chest into the throat and in the eyes and sometimes leads to tears. Today I had a fairly good day at the office. I had some boxes and bags of clothes that belonged to my father who passed away in February of 2022. The exterior of the boxes were marked dishes. As I was opening the boxes, I thought you live your whole life and then the things that you valued end up in boxes in storage units and that's it. I just kept unpacking, and my brother was there, and he had gone through several bags of things that had also been in storage for a few years. Both of us was going through the motions of sorting and clearing through things my brother wanted to keep, give away, or donate.

Later we did our usual talking on the way home. I dropped him off and felt gratitude for our banter on current events. When I arrived home, I got off to myself and had dinner then this feeling of deep emptiness just permeated me, and I thought God is there a purpose for emptiness? Is there value in feeling hollow? Immediately the thought came just sit in it. Sit in the emptiness. Don’t fill it with an activity. Don’t look at social media. Don’t look at the television just sit in it and allow it to move through you as you start to reach for better feeling thoughts. Allow the emptiness to just guide you to a better feeling thought. I realized in the moment that emptiness is not sadness. Emptiness just is. It is a space inside of a space and in that space of being hollow I can start to recognize and accept that it's OK to feel absolutely nothing. It's OK to feel the heaviness in my chest to feel tears welling up in my eyes it's OK because this too shall pass but, in the meantime, I'll sit in it and just as it consumed me allow it to dissolve it's OK all is well.

BEWARE OF DISTRACTIONS

 

A few weeks ago I started a YouTube channel called Serendipity Shena. You might think what a strange name. So what does the word serendipity mean? "Serendipity in American English is  (1). an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident, (2). good fortune; luck".  I believe life is full of opportunities whereby we unintentionally find valuable discoveries by chance. I wanted to create a space for me to share two things I love talking about politics and religion. I know these two topics alone have destroyed countries, marriages, friendships, and the list is endless. However, I enjoy taking political and biblical information and applying it to everyday life. The first video for the channel was approximately two weeks after the recent inauguration of the United States president. The word that permeated my mind within the initial days post-inauguration was distraction. People that I had conversations with were becoming fearful. frustrated, and hopeless in a short period. I wanted to share my thoughts and created a video. 

The inserted video is totally my opinion. Peace and Richest Blessings.

MAGICAL EXPERIENCE

 Living in Southeast Louisiana our world revolves around weather events. We have become experts at living with hurricanes and flash floods. Our winters consist of at most ten days with morning temperatures in the mid-forties. So, imagine the shock when meteorologists forecasted four inches of snow on January 21, 2025. The snowstorm brought ten inches of snow to New Orleans, tying the record set in 1895. The snowstorm also brought near-blizzard conditions to the city.

The New Year 2025 came in with a terrorist attack and many beautiful souls lost their lives and suffered horrible injuries on historic Bourbon Street. The city of New Orleans was numb. Even thinking about it now is earth-shattering. So, the shock of receiving a large amount of snow last month could only be described as magical. It felt so light and airy easing the heavy solemn mood that had eviscerated the city commonly referred to as the Big Easy. We had no experience with driving or walking in the snow. It didn't matter and we didn't care we just enjoyed the magical white stuff that was falling from the sky, The experience was magical.

ROTTING IS A GOOD THING

The older I get, the more I start to take inventory of my life and wonder what would be different. What would I have done differently? Where would I have lived? Which places would I have visited? What things have I achieved in life? What have been my biggest successes? What are my failures? As I approach another birthday, I'm thinking about how I can move beyond my limitations. How can I get unstuck? How can I become less comfortable with not planning, not doing, or being? How can I intentionally and on purpose create a meaningful and joyous life? How can I soar above the clouds without turbulence? Why is it so difficult for me to do something as simple as socializing and enjoying the moment? Am I stuck? After living deep in the crevasses of grief and family illnesses for the past four years I feel afraid to plan. I feel like I’m holding my breath and if I exhale some undesirable situation will manifest. I feel like my life is engulfed in problem-solving. And then there’s the business of managing a company and the issues associated with being a CEO. I started living in a space where I felt like the man in the old Duncan Donuts commercial whose life became a revolving door forcing him to say, “I already made the donuts.”  I just had to retreat to doing as much of nothing as possible. I watched series on streaming TV, watched podcasters, and more political programming than was probably healthy. I ate more takeout food than I ever had allowed myself to consume previously. My place of refuge was my home office on the futon.

I actively engaged in what Generation Z calls “rotting”. My intense work ethic would not allow me to engage in bed rotting so I resorted to futon rotting. During my rotting season, I’ve released 35 pounds, become reconnected to my love of fashion, recommitted to decorating my home, and daily exercise routines, reactivated my blog posts, started two YouTube channels, and left a church congregation that no longer met my spiritual needs. In my mind, I felt so incredibly stuck but there has been tremendous movement. My movement was difficult to see because of grief and the duties involved in trying to help someone regain their health. However, the movement and progress that was occurring in my life cannot be denied. All the endless tears were healing. I can get through days without tears or waves of sadness. I’m better because in doing nothing my periods of doing something were more productive. I am still in a place of incredible transition and will continue to engage in movement through futon rotting.

Peace and Richest Blessings.